Ladies, if a man tells you that he has four sisters and therefore understands the mysterious ways in which women work their wiles, this is the moment in which you know, for a fact, that he is completely and utterly full of it.
Nowadays, in my humble opinion, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find respectable young males in the haunts that one would think they could be found. Places like clubs and bars are ever more designated to the “I just want to hook up” side of things; men tend to frequent those places looking for a piece of ass rather than an intelligent conversation. So if you’re on the prowl ladies, you’ll probably have more luck if you look two rows behind you in your History of China or Biology 201 class.
I’m sure many of you reading this have been on at least one date (unless you were born with your significant other attached to your hip, there was a first date somewhere down the line). First dates are scary things. Your heart starts pumping, you start sweating like a nervous eighth grader about to give a presentation in class, you get those incredibly irritating butterflies in your stomach, and you may feel as though you’re about to hurl. These feelings are completely legitimate whether you know your date intimately or not.
So recently I decided to launch myself (ha, that makes me sound like a boat. I kind of like the idea of being a boat…anyway) back into the dating pool…and subsequently drew myself back out after a rather dismal experience (I call it the 25 minute date. It was so bad we didn’t even make it to the desired location of a karaoke bar). I want to take this experience to point out some behaviours that can cause intimidation and suckiness on a first date (these go both ways so keep your comments about whatever sexist attitude I don’t have to a minimum):
1. Entertain a conversation, don’t interrogate. There is a not-so-subtle difference between asking questions because you are curious and want to learn more about a person and treating the conversation like an interrogation at Guantanamo Bay. Even if you joke about it and call it an interview, if you are so introspective that you are capable of noticing that the person you’re interrogating is giving very forced, short answers, clearly something is off. Sure, maybe they’re incapable of answering a question, but if this is a first date and you barely know the person this is not the time to grill them for answers!
2. Respect boundaries. If someone doesn’t want to answer a question because it makes them uncomfortable, don’t press the issue. How would you like it if the roles were reversed? Also, if they don’t want to be kiss and make it obvious (pulling away, running away in terror), just don’t touch the person you’re on a date with.
3. Be respectful. Nothing is more annoying than a self-righteous asshole that leaves you at the street corner while he changes direction expecting you to follow. Also, gents, if you do put your arm around her, or through hers, or any other form of snuggling closer (whatever you want to call it), do it in a way that does not make her feel that she is your property. Also, if either party is talking about something that interests them and it doesn’t interest you, don’t just make non-committal noises and then immediately change the subject. Chances are they’re going to do the same thing if you’re talking about something you’re passionate about and they can’t relate. People like people who can listen.
So, be respectful, accept boundaries, and for fuck’s sake, don’t interrogate someone on the first date. Just ask any friend how to have a conversation. It’s a simple matter of back and forth. I say something, you reply. I ask a question, you answer and elaborate, ba-bing, ba-bong. There can’t be ba-bing if there’s no ba-bong.
Oh, just go watch “Vexed” and stop sniggering.
And I hope you get my flu, you insufferable ass.
Also, I just found this comment:
Farewell, faith in mankind. Many thanks for invalidating my existence as a woman capable of making decisions and taking the initiative (two things that I so obviously did in your presence, you pompous, presumptuous, self-righteous wart).
I think I’m done now.