To Be or Not to Be Friends with Benefits: The So-called “fuckbuddy” Quandary

There is a level of respect between friends that gets trampled upon when the line between friend and lover gets blurred. A “friends with benefits relationship” tarnishes the meaning of “friend”. There’s a reason you don’t have sex with your friends: you respect them too much to think about sleeping around with them.  Things get confusing and hazy and people get hurt.

So what is the difference between friend and lover? Is a lover just a person you have sex with or can you have sex with friends too? In today’s society, sex has come close to simply being a physical need that you satisfy by having sex with just anyone. No emotions are needed except the desire for a romp between the sheets. These “no strings attached” and “friends with benefits” relationships have sprung up everywhere, allowing people to satisfy their carnal lusts without the consequences of a romantic attachment. What, then, is the modern meaning of “friend”? Why do we enter into these kinds of relationships?
First of all, no strings attached relationships have become a way of asserting independence in today’s society. Congratulations, you’re free from the emotional roller coaster ride of romantic and committed relationships! You are your own person, free to have sex with whomever you wish without consequences. We at R and J headquarters also call this “sleeping around”. Admit it, accept it and move on. You’re an independent woman who will have sex with whomever she chooses.  What’s the problem with that, you ask? Shouldn’t a woman be allowed to have sex with whomever she wishes, whenever she wishes without being judged for it? Maybe, but the fact remains this behaviour is disrespectful to yourself. Rather than proving to the world that you can maintain a sexually fulfilling relationship with an emotional commitment, you are instead opting for the easy way out. Is sexual independence really your ultimate goal? Why do you need to have no strings attached relationships to achieve this?
The truth is that sexual tension runs rampant and you don’t want to commit. A fully fledged romantic relationship scares you and instead the line between friend and lover becomes obscure when reaping the benefits of having sexually appealing friends, showing a lack of respect for them. There is a reason we don’t have sex with our friends on a regular basis and you cannot remain within your comfort zone forever. Don’t have sex with your friends just because it is convenient. This phenomenon of “friends with benefits” is changing the modern meaning of “friend” and mars it. A friend is someone you trust and admire simply for being themselves. When you see them as a way to satisfy your sexual urges, you are objectifying them and not allowing them the experience of the full spectrum of emotions generally developed in a friendship. You cannot respect the person you see as a means to an end and that is not fair to them.
The word “friend” has been re-shaped in today’s society. But a friend is not just one more name on your Facebook contact list. A friend is not just one more person you’ve had sex with because you don’t want to be responsible for a relationship. Think about how much you are willing to sacrifice because you don’t want to commit. Are you ready to face the consequences if the relationship goes south? Can you remain emotionally detached when you know the intimate details of your lover-friend? No, because you cannot be both friends and lovers. It is impossible to rekindle a good friendship after an emotionally devoid relationship. Friendships demand emotions so start looking elsewhere for your no-strings-attached relationships. You don’t have to flaunt your sexual freedom and destroy a friendship at the same time.



3 thoughts on “To Be or Not to Be Friends with Benefits: The So-called “fuckbuddy” Quandary

  1. I enjoyed reading your post and appreciate your train of thought! My fav line, “Think about how much you are willing to sacrifice because you don’t want to commit.” You are welcome to stop by my blog; it is about this topic.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s