A Lazy-Girl’s Love Letter to her Hardworking Friends in School

20 Things that Happen When You’re an Unemployed Dropout and Your Friends are in Class 24/7


  1. You cannot listen to one more person complain about finals because you, too, have lived through that and it is quickly driving you insane.
  2. Your boyfriend becomes your best friend (especially since your best friend is in Toronto busy with finals and becoming a world-famous opera singer).
  3. The best friend that stayed in town–who isn’t your boyfriend–usually texts you every single day but hasn’t texted you in 2 weeks because she eats, breathes, and lives studying.
  4. Every week that goes by without a paycheck is a failure week so you’ve clung desperately to that one day a week you halfheartedly agreed to because you’re friends with the owner.
  5. You’ve developed an unhealthy need to be validated for everything you do.
  6. You develop a slight case of paranoia for no apparent reason.
  7. Trawling Craigslist and Kijiji becomes a full time job: one that doesn’t pay very well unfortunately.
  8. When someone does call you in for an interview, your immediate reaction is to think that they won’t hire you because you don’t have enough experience.
  9. You keep telling yourself that you’re going to go to the gym and get yourself in shape a la new year’s resolutions (but you know it’s not going to happen).
  10. You cling to the things in your life that still work and get irrationally upset if something goes wrong.
  11. You jump at the first chance you get to work, even if you have a feeling that you’re going to hate it…
  12. …all the while maintaining a modicum of self-respect (“No mom, I am NOT applying to A&W’s”).
  13. Finding your vocation (in the medieval sense of the word, aka “your life’s purpose”) becomes less of a spiritual quest for fulfillment and more of a number-one-priority–have-to-figure-it-out-right-now-or-else kind of thing.
  14. And it’s problematic because vocational training centers offer a lot of programs that are a) uninteresting, b) demanding of skills that you do not possess, c) crazy expensive, or d) ALL OF THE ABOVE.
  15. And after days of research and praying and binge-watching bad Netflix originals and eating too much cake, you come to the only reasonable conclusion that you need to go far, far away from all of this.
  16. And you get really excited because new places are fun and exciting and shiny.
  17. But then the fear and anxiety set in and you start pushing ev
    eryone you love away until your boyfriend sternly tells you to stop trying to break up with him because he actually doesn’t like it when you do that (Who Knew?) and teaches you a great life lesson about enjoying the time you have left with those you love.
  18. And then you go from witty and cynical to lovey and mushy in the span of two sentences.
  19. And you learn to respect your friends for the ridiculous amount of hard work they are putting into their classes and schoolwork for that BA that may or may not be helpful later in life but at least they are doing what they love (or not, but for the time being they think they are) and have an impressive amount of self-discipline that you can only aspire to.
  20. And you get crazy excited for them when they get into grad school because The Universe has recently decided that a Master’s is the only way anyone is getting ahead in life, and you look at your acceptance to community college and the pile of stuff that you have to move… and the whole cycles starts all over again.
*flips table*